The illusion of escape

Days keep passing through and you find yourself following a rather mundane routine. It is mundane purely because nothing much changes, not because it is highly boring or exhaustive (which it is, in most cases). You do all of it only for one respite - for being able to get away from all the hassle for good. Until that magical day comes about, you believe in taking short 'escapes' in an attempt to relax your mind and recuperate.

Does it really help? Coming to think of it, almost all of us only look for an opportunity to escape a situation, even if it is for a few days. Can you really make your mind not think about a particular situation for a day or two? Especially, when that situation is a part of your immediate present. The answer is a resounding 'No'. Do not try to refute this hypothesis right away. Give yourself a minute to think and then, decide.

Here is the second part of the puzzle. The important thing to understand is that we tend to find ways to escape a thought or an emotion or even stress (the modern day reality nobody really accepts). Some might argue that going away for a while helps them escape the stress or the sadness in their mind. Does it? If it does, you are among the luckiest and belong to a club which is very small. Most of us struggle to do it. We go away for a few days only to revisit those thoughts in our mind, as we have considerably more time to introspect, and at large, revisit the fear of getting back to the situation again.

This illusion of escape has caught up in the last decade or so with so much changing in people's lifestyles. Your life today essentially thrives on two terms - reality and escape. There are a few lucky ones who have managed to make their 'escapes' a reality where as the majority is still lingering between the two. I am no different. I find myself thinking about this every single holiday that just breezes past me before I even realise it.

The point that needs to be understood from this little hypothesis is that there is no point trying to find the 'big escape' and keep dreaming about it. It is far more fruitful to indulge in smaller escapes in your daily routine that relieve you and make you smile. This could be as simple as eating something that you absolutely love or going out with a friend and genuinely having a conversation, not just a 'pseudo' one (more on this in a separate blog post).

Sounds like something you have already read plenty of times? If yes, why have not you done something about it? Take some time and give it a thought. You will soon understand that the mad chase is not worth it at all. I am not asking you to stop dreaming. I am a dreamer myself. It is just that I have learnt to tell myself the truth and stop living in a state of denial. It is not easy to do but believe me, you are not the only one trying.

Image Courtesy: www.pixabay.com

Choose your listeners wisely

Our mind is never idle. There is no hibernate mode we can switch it to. It is impossible to keep our heads clear of thoughts, fears, opinions, or stories of our past experiences, even for a second. Along with this, comes an urge to let it out in one manner or the other. Some choose to write it in their secret diaries (wonder how long they remain a secret) while some choose to express it to a person they believe would understand it.

As shrewd as it might seem, not everybody cares to even respect what you have to say let alone understanding it. The virtue of lending an ear to somebody with an open mind while being sensitive to the other person’s emotions is fading in today’s world. More often than not, minutes into the exercise people become busy in judging you and painting you with a brush they use to categorise ‘people like you’.

I remember an instance where I learnt it the hard way. I used to discuss few of my life’s challenges with a few friends in college. On one such occasion, I was telling a friend how worried I was about arranging for the fees which had to be paid for the second year of my Bachelor’s degree. After listening to me (or to my cribbing/bickering as some would term it), she asked me why I kept cribbing about my problems and never did anything about it.

It sent jitters down my spine and I could not believe what she had said. However, coming to think of it, I gave her an opportunity to pronounce a judgement on me. I do not blame her for saying what she did. We can never control everybody’s perception about ourselves and our lives. In my defence, I merely wanted to discuss things with a friend to get a different perspective on my ideas and see how I can improve my efforts. Only I and my family knew how I ran around desks of different bank officials trying to obtain an educational loan in vain.

This is when I learnt that I need to choose my listeners carefully. Since then, I have consciously worked on what exactly I discuss with different kinds of people. I might have won a few battles while working at it but there is still a lot I need to do. However, I do not endorse being sceptical about everybody you know. You definitely need to share your thoughts and experiences with people because it helps you evolve as an individual. Different people lend you different perspectives which help you in the longer run.

Try to know somebody with an open mind, lay your trust on the goodness inside them, and become good listeners yourself. Remember it has to be mutual. If you cannot respect your listener’s advice or opinion on whatever you said, please do not go beyond talking to yourself in the mirror waiting for your conscience to wake you up to reality.